THE EPISODES

TWICE AS BAD

In his goodness, the Boss united them in blood and .... in flesh. Complicity, tenderness, a meeting of the souls and above all, bodies. Exalting isn't it? Our two favourite Siamese sisters are passionate, very modern women: their taste for money is equaled only by their ardor in satisfying Hannibal... You know me, I had to add a little .... spice to this story. I gave into my little weakness. I offered them a pact, nothing really, but irresistible, a lot of money and a load off their...well, you'll see. The dilemma was wrenching, and our Jody made the cut. Ah, these modern women, so resolute, so final!

THE ALCHEMIST AND THE GENIUS

There's nothing like a little British hospitality to help one get back into stride: deep leather armchairs, the discreet charm of an old man. Our Nathaniel is a likeable fellow with immense knowledge. He would almost be annoying with his airs of professor know-it-all, if he did not pay these kind attentions to everyone. Then there's his secret, his little weakness, a little story forming part of the great; the war left him with more than just medals. The loss of a woman was the price of this bravery. I think you'll like him, especially since he's prepared a little test for you, a challenge to human genius...yours of course. No, don't thank me. You will soon discover that the power of knowledge always leads to Genius, but not necessarily to what you expect.

THE SHADOW OF CASANOVA

But I feel your interest cooling. All that is lacking is a touch of romanticism. Yes, that's it....Frank is a great romantic, trained in the best school, that of my old friend Casanova. A complete romantic, not a pale imitation, a real man, in love with a woman and tormented by a failed career as an artist. The perfect alliance between obsessive desire and a personal pain that one can caress at will. How could I resist such a pretty picture? But, you help people, you fulfil their every desire...and they still remain ungrateful wretches.. This Frank, having become the equal and peer of Casanova is filled with bitterness and des­pair... I must stop, such pettiness angers me, luckily I intervened in time to put an end to his sniveling ...

THE PHANTOM LOVER

Sincerely, when I think of it, it is you, ladies, who are much less disappointing. I was thinking of my gentle Kalinka. A moving history: her native Russia, emigration, deceased parents... Can you not just hear the violins playing, the brasses sounding, this Russian accent which slide over you and caresses you... Ah... The call of the steppes and the ideal mother for your children, that's Kalinka. But our Park is not like other theme parks, a caricature of the best of all worlds. No, this place is far more stimulating (it's not my doing). Just imagine, a beautiful young woman, nothing like it to titillate the desires of any normally constructed male: So naturally, once Hannibal saw her, the worst was on the cards... Not to mention our malicious Siamese twins. See,I told you,.you would not be bored.

TIGERHOOD

Don't you find Hannibal intriguing? I have spent time lauding his talents, his charm, this appeal arising from the depths of ...but let us go on. How may I introduce him? Shall we say he is like his favourite pets, two tigers, and that his chief talent is the use of the whip. I am being unfair, I'm forgetting some other qualities: He is a tad racist, a tad violent, a tad misogynist and well let's just say that he drinks. I exaggerate? Think what you will. Go then, but be wary of his stripped campanions. Try to restrain his impossible character.. As far as I'm concerned he annoys me too much. Perhaps I should fulfil his last wish and send him back to his jungle. Although not quite as he imagined...Every man has his secrets. In any case, it is not he who will compete with you as the hero.

A THREE FOOT TALL ROBIN HOOD

After a small scale Don Juan, you are expecting the worst, and you are wrong. There is Tod. A dwarf law enforcer at the service of orphans, don't you find that ... exquisite, sorry, moving. Born a noble Austrian, his size decided his destiny: No dwarfs in the Von Essenbeck dynasty. That would never have done in the great portrait gallery. The gypsies who took him in left him a much more reliable inheritance: a unequaled taste for justice and contempt for established law. Our righter of wrongs took lessons during prohibition serving in the ranks of the "Family", alongside Frank Nitty (another friend!). Money has no smell, not even that of alcohol. And scruples fade, you'll agree, if that money is used to help young orphans. It almost makes me cry...lt all seems too honest, too glossy to me. Perhaps I could help you to see things from another angle. Luckily, whatever happens, there is our Hannibal, always there when things need to be made difficult.

THE MASTERPICE OF GISELLE

Now, I must introduce you to my protegee, Giselle.. Giselle is this young obese girl, encumbered by her body. The kind of girl you see in the street and who moves you. After all let's be honest, she arouses pity in you. You can hardly begin to imagine the young girl behind this body. I learned everything from her: her gentleness, her sorrow at the loss of her parents, her generosity and her anguish, her smile and her suffering before the looks of others. I have become her godfather, in a way her guardian angel, even I know one person who frowns when they hear me say it. My first gift was to grant her what she had always wished for; the second was to teach her how to become a young woman, to turn her body from a monstrosity into a masterpiece. Frank may have helped me, or rather I may have helped him a little more too. And you, what will you do? Or rather what have you already done for her?